3 tips to help you move on

imageSome people need to vent. That big release of emotion or tears can feel ahhhmazing.

For me, though, getting it all out is counterproductive. I can literally go on & on for hours. Once I’m in the heat of my emotions, stopping is difficult. More than this, on an energetic level, I am putting out shit energy and then bracing myself for when it comes back to me. There is no level on which being catty, judgmental – or stirring up a case by which my upset is someone else’s fault – feels right.

Still, there may be moments where we really do want to get something out and we aren’t being petty or touchy; we are being real. The question is, when and how to move on.

Thankfully, my venting is much improved and way more selective. Here are some ideas to help you keep your venting in check:

1. Set a timer. No joke. It was the first thing I did to teach myself to move on. It’s good practice.

2. Don’t pick up the phone. Write it down instead. Set the timer. Write without stopping. When you’re finished, rip it up into pieces and recycle it. Then, reset the timer and reset your positive vibe by writing about good stuff.

3. Wait. This is so useful in relationships too. Have something to say in the heat of the emotional moment? Back to the timer. Give yourself fifteen minutes, sometimes longer. Then see what about the situation is still important to you. Now that you’re calmer, you can be calmer about how you handle it.

We’re all human. Cooler heads won’t always prevail. With practice, though, we can minimize the energetic impact and react to things from more constructive space, while still making room for the occasional two-year old meltdown because it really does feel good sometimes. 😉

how to use gratitude to change your relationships

imageIt’s awesome that grateful people get more to be grateful for, but giving gratitude away is where real transformation happens.

After my daughter was born, my marriage fell completely apart. I had this precious amazing newborn, but after two surgeries in three weeks and postpartum depression, the last thing I needed was to face the fact that not only had my relationship with my best friend faltered, it was facing what felt like irreparable damage.

Long story very short, my marriage survived. While in the reconnecting process, I learned a lesson that would change the course of all of my relationships. I learned that to heal even a relationship as off-track as ours, all I needed to do was focus on what was instead of what wasn’t.

See when there’s a lot of water under the bridge of our relationships, sometimes we develop a catalog of the times our feelings were hurt or how he/she “never” does X and “always” does Y. When we crave connection and can’t get it, our guard goes up and we create a narrative to protect our hearts. That narrative becomes a list of flaws, faults and mistakes to explain our feelings of pure pain. Putting ourselves out there is a loving relationship is such a vulnerable thing. Letting someone love us so completely allows us to be hurt even more completely. We end up caught in a cycle of wanting to be open, but not wanting to hurt or be hurt.

So, there I was with a two-month old dream baby and a list of things my hubby hadn’t done and wasn’t doing. Worse yet, I had a list of ways he’d failed me and I wasn’t hesitant to remind him of it. I was trying so desperately to explain a painful feeling I didn’t even want to have and in the meantime, neither of us felt we could do anything right.

Then it all changed. And here’s how:

1. I forgave myself for hurting him.

2. I forgave him for hurting me.

3. I started focusing on the things he was doing instead of what he wasn’t. (Think “Thank you for picking up the take-out” instead of “Why are his shoes always in the middle of the floor??”)

I also started practicing a new way of expressing gratitude, because, let’s face it, “thank you” can be like a reflex, merely a platitude. It’s transformative power only comes from transferring the loving energy of authentic gratitude. So try these to get that extra connection:

1. Instead of saying “thank you,” say things like “I appreciate you” and “I love when you…”

2. Express your gratitude with eye contact and touch.

3. Find unique things to be grateful for each day, it will train you to look for less obviously things to appreciate, extending gratitude into more areas of your lives.

Now, each time I hear myself start griping, or I sense our connection breaking down, I realize I haven’t been focusing on what’s there or expressing authentic and unique gratitude. Each time I return to this process, I am amazed at how powerful it is. Try it & let me know what you think.

Hey, I think I’ll test it out on my relationship with myself and see how that improves too. 😉

create your best life 


I’m not spiritual in an organized religion kind of way, though I admire the power organized spiritual groups have to change their communities and our world. Until recently, I never could truly identify with faith. I believe in a greater power that hums through everything. But, knowing when to create for ourselves, and when to let go and submit to a higher power has often confused me. Recently, I had an “a ha!” moment that made me realize that faith is the key to simplifying this confusion and living out my goals.

We create our vision. We put forth the energy to draw that vision our way. But the “how”, that’s the work of the greater power. So many times we start making plans but get lost in wondering how we are going to get everything done. Or, we go about trying to learn what we don’t know. We think we have to know all and do all.

But we don’t. We set the intention and guiding energy (God, the universe, et al.) goes to work on our behalf as long as we stay focused on the vision and keep track of our vibe. The universe present us with the steps we need to take and the people we may need to fill in our knowledge gaps.

If we lose focus or our energy dips into doubt and the frustrations of not knowing, the guiding energy is being sent another vibe. Per Wayne Dyer in Wishes Fulfilled, the greater of the two vibes gets the universe’s attention. Balancing our vibe and making the positive energy the greater of the two intentions is our job.

Knowing when to take charge or let go comes down to knowing our roles and responsibilities and the universe’s. Here are some ideas to balance the “doing” with the “letting go”:

1. Your job: Focus on your goals. Put the energy of already having what you want behind your thoughts. Practice pure love by releasing the need to judge others. Extend compassion, love & gratitude to every single being.

2. The universe’s job: Stay awake to the messages. The universe will send you inspiration to get you closer to your dreams. It comes in any form from a person you’ve run into to an inspiring IG post.

When you have the impulse to read something new, reach out to someone or act, do it. If the action comes from a place that feels forced or like work, it isn’t right. If it feels excited or inspired, follow it. Yes, it may be tinged with a bit of doubt, but if you are in flow, you will move through the doubt easily and quickly.
3. Don’t try so hard: All your actions need to come from a clear space of happy loving energy. If you are forcing yourself or you feel you “should” or you “have to,” don’t. Take a few minutes to clear the negative energy and infuse yourself with light. Then, try again. If it still feels unnatural, stop. Wait for a more inspired, excited energy.

4. Guard your sacred space: The quickest way to derail your movement towards your goals is to get sidetracked by negative stuff. Whether it’s fear or doubt, or someone else’s opinions about your passion, you have to reject it. The super-amazing grandmother of self-help, Louise Hay suggests silently yelling “Out!” to every distracting thing that comes into your mind. Imagine locking the door to your private space.

Whatever visual cue or word you choose, use it as much as necessary and refocus on your loving feeling.

For me, the revelation to all of this was that there was no mountain I needed to climb to start living in a way that I love and creating a life worthy of me. With the whole universe & God by your side, you don’t need all the answers. You simply need to begin, maintain your sacred space within & ask for your dreams. Then listen for guidance. You, just as much as anyone, deserve to live your greatest life.

Next up, I will chat about worthiness, another way we hinder ourselves from embracing our calling and living a bliss-filled life.

light & love 🙏🏻💕

be like a butterfly

  
If you are a seeker, you’ve probably had a bit of an identity crisis at some point. You inherited beliefs about yourself, your world and you’ve developed an identity around it. But when you wake up one day and question all of those beliefs, or look at yourself and life and find it hard to recognize, please don’t freak out. 😉 

This is a very normal, even sacred, place to be. Yes, the uncertainty of not knowing what you like, how you got where you are, etc. may be overwhelming, but it is merely a stage in your transformation, your caterpillar to butterfly, if you will. It is a beautiful thing. 

Just keep swimming. You are doing great.

sometimes positive thinking just isn’t enough

imageWhen I moved from a semi-happy existence in suburban Atlanta to the warmth, sun & gorgeous beaches of SoCal, I thought I’d finally be “there,” you know, that place of peace, happiness & eternal equilibrium that we are always seeking? Yet, I got to Cali and, once the novelty and excitement began to dwindle, there I was, back “there,” in almost the same place & the same me I was in ATL.

Sure I’d spent a successful decade improving myself and my life in a myriad of really helpful ways over the years through meditation, yoga, positive psychology & nutrition, but it wasn’t enough for me. No matter how happy I thought I was, I knew my real bliss remained untapped.

My body was exhausted again with the stress of the cross-country transition. I was frustrated and, honestly, deeply hopeless. I kept thinking how could I have spent all this time working on myself only to end up back in despair & dis-ease. It was a discouraging awakening.

But, unlike all the moments of awakening that came before, this one was “the one,” the final step in a long & hard-fought journey. It taught me how valuable I was, how worthy I was. It taught me to forgive myself and heal my mind in a deeper, more lasting way.

Here’s the revelation. Sometimes we really can’t fix it all ourselves. Sometimes, it isn’t our fault.

In my 20s into my early 30s, I’d been to doctors seeking help. I got a bunch of suggested illnesses but no solutions. I am not at all implying doctors aren’t amazing healers. I just didn’t like giving someone else control over my healing, and with four out of state moves in nine years, I really didn’t want to have to keep beginning again with each transition.

Staring at 40, I finally found the two resources I needed, two professional who take mental & physical health and blend it with what I found to be great nutritional advice. Along with years of reading research studies, I educated myself with Julia Ross’ The Mood Cure & Dr. Mark Hyman’s site and decided to embrace my approach to being my own healing coach. I began with the really eye-opening survey on http://www.moodcure.com and scored ridiculously high in nearly each category and thus began we climb out of my remaining health chaos and into my final stage of healing.

I completely know that without doing the personal work I did over the last ten years, balancing brain chemicals and healing nutritional deficiencies still wouldn’t have been enough to give me all the skills I have to know without a shred of doubt that I can handle anything, but without the final drive to bring my body together with my mind, I would still be on shaky ground.

I am not a doctor, naturopath or even a health coach, and each person knows in which direction their path is leading them, but I feel that to fully own and share my story in hopes of helping others stay connected with their path, I have to say that being my own health advocate for the past 18 months has been the icing on my cake.

If you have connected all the pieces to your puzzle already, thank you for being an inspiration to those around you. If you are still working on your puzzle, you are not, and you are never, alone.

how to tune in to your dreams

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I’m analytical. So absolutely analytical. I plan, too. I dissect flawed experiences so that I can retrain myself to do things in a new way. I always thought it was a good path because my goal was self-improvement.

But then it all got so tiring.

All that time spent rehashing was taking energy away from actually living, let alone achieving my goals. One problem remained, I still didn’t know what to do instead.

Then one day, I started doing something hugely different. And, it worked.

Here’s what I started doing when facing adversity, either small or big:

  1. spend time getting clear about what you want. you can start with anything, small things (I.e., an awesome parking spot at the grocery store) or your biggest dream.
  2. focus on it a minimum of twice each day, especially before bed.
  3. cultivate a feeling of pure love. when you feel negative emotions as you go through your day, switch to extending love & gratitude to everyone you encounter.
  4. set a cue to access your bliss by doing something subtle like touching two fingers together or putting your tongue on the roof of your mouth or whatever feelings perfect to you.

Trying to cue a peaceful feeling when faced with adversity might feel funny at first, or ineffectual. It takes practice. If you have trouble accessing your bliss space, think of a person or experience that filled you up completely.

I meditate & do yoga. When I put my hands together at heart center or sit in and form of crisscross applesauce ;), I feel bliss. When we’re inundated with life looking to distract us from our pure energy, sometime wrestling with our thoughts is futile. If you set a trigger while feeling blissed in, it will be easier to shift your energy faster.

We run into so many situations each day that attempt to change our focus onto to frustrating things, so there is plenty of time to practice. And a bunch of times you’ll forget what to do and end up off on an emotional tangent. It’s ok. Just try again when you remember, & soon you will feel in tune with the universe and living your vision all the time. ⭐️💕

ditch the guilt

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You deserve happiness. All your wishes can come true. If you are someone who generously gives to others, you are changing the world. But, if you are someone who generously gives without feeling worthy to receive, use that guilt pang as a vehicle to pursue a closer, more nurturing relationship with yourself. A consistent practice that centers you will help you cultivate self-love. In time, as you learn that you are worthy of unconditional love, you will access your greatest potential and unlock your biggest dreams, guilt-free. 🙏🏻💕